Dear Ghanaian men in love with or married to Ghanaian feminists,
Today you and I are going to have a conversation. We’re going to try and be civil about it; no shouting and screaming and emotional antics. (You are not allowed to sulk and mumble to yourself)
This is you and me. This is us.
Firstly, just to be clear, when I say that I speak for Black feminists I mean I’m speaking for all women who believe in the equality of women and believe that women should not be discriminated against in every sphere of life – education, career, financial support, professional sports etc etc. I speak for the women who believe that they make up half of the sky. I speak for women who don’t identify as feminists for a variety of reasons but are strongly against any form of discrimination.
Yes, we’re all having this conversation.
Babe, congrats on meeting me, loving me and keeping me. Not every man is willing and or able to overcome his ingrained sexism and masculine concepts of ‘what a real woman looks like’ to date me (or even want to try) so for us to have made it this far is a huge feat for you. I love you and I am proud of you for the steps you have taken to mature.
But don’t take it the wrong way when I say you’ve got quite a journey ahead of you.
You see the thing is, when I say we are equal partners in everything, I mean it. I mean it when I say I am capable of fixing whatever needs to be fixed at home, plus whipping up meals, plus being your loving and supportive wife. I can, I will and I do.
But don’t forget, we came into this thing together. So I pay my share because I too have a job and I too have a side hustle.
And because I work crazy hours just like you, I need you to put in your effort at home. I need you to cook and clean; I need you to launder the clothes and (if there are kids) I need you pitch in 100%.
And I need you to understand when I can’t whip up meals when you need me to cos I’m working; I need you to understand that sometimes I’m as exhausted as you and just need a cuddle and a long nap.
I need you to understand that every day I pick up my armour and fight against men and women who doubt my competence and belittle my intelligence and try to run me down constantly. Because I am a woman. But because I am YOUR woman I fight back; and in truth, I don’t stop fighting until I drive away.
I know you face similar battles and I don’t want to make this a case of “You face this, but I face this.” No. I’m not trying to belittle you; I’m just trying to show you that when it comes to hustling our asses off, we are equals.
I love you.
I love you.
This is why when you need me I put down everything and I’m there for you.
Which is why I NEED you to understand when I can’t be the perfect Stepford wife; and when I can’t be the sexy minx on demand when you need special cookie.
Sometimes, it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open before I crash onto the bed.
I am the strongest woman you know and I’m not ashamed of that fact.
And it’s that crazy, strong, opinionated personality that you fell in love with and that has kept us afloat til now.
We can fight (and we will and we do) but it’s you and me forever and ever.
Ride or die.
Bonnie and Clyde.