Random Thoughts #23

Jayjay’s Handy Guide to Deciphering Whether He’s Husband Material Or Not

husband material2

Ladies, let’s face it – the men are there pleeenty. They rise from the ground like dust on a hot day. They pour on us like the rain that floods Accra after 20 minutes. They can even stroll towards you when you’re minding your own business during a street art festival. (See image below kind courtesy Yaw Pare Photography)

Sexy Ghanaian men

There are all kinds of men :

The quiet seemingly unassuming ones

The loud mouthed braggarts

Those with false swagger

Those with quiet swagger

The wannabes

The wannabe sugar daddies

The whores

The fuck boys

The community penises

The church boys

The church boys who are freaks

The boys who are all over the place

Chale! The list is endless! But now that you’ve made your money and want to be a Slay Wife and Boss Momma, you need a Slay Husband and Boss Papa to settle down with.

But how do you choose? Here’s a handy guide to help you make the decision on whether to marry your man or take a hard pass.

  1. Where is his head at?

thinking man

Every man will say he’s God fearing but with Christianity as with other religions…money talks and bullshit walks. How does he treat the people around him? How does he treat his subordinates and superiors? How does he treat his family –no, not his Momma but those family members he’s on not such good terms with? Everyone can be nice to people close to them, it’s how he treats those out of his inner circle that counts.


2.  Where is his money at?

You are not marrying a fraud boy, fuck boy, fake IG slay king, wannabe pimp – the idea is, you want to marry a MAN who is responsible and values his money. So ask yourself….how does he spend his money? Is he driving a fancy car that he’s struggling to pay off? Is he living modestly but always working on the next big idea? Is he investing money into viable ideas and putting in the man hours to make the ideas valuable? Or does he spend his money chasing false ideals of fame and money?

3. What does his personal space look like?

messy man

Honey, if he can’t keep his apartment tidy then he’s not for you. I don’t care if he is sweet, kind, attentive and can give you screaming orgasms five times a day – if a brother can’t keep his space clean it means two things:

  1. He wants to marry you so you’ll be his house help
  2. He’s too cheap to hire someone to clean for him

In both instances, it’s a bad look. Turn your back and walk away before you turn into a pillar of domesticated salt.

4. What is his bed game?

black man in bed

A husby material is a gentleman in the streets and a freak in the sheets. We know the game, it’s not about the size of his equipment, it’s about his performance. Is he putting in the man hours to make you happy and walk around bow legged and smirking? If he’s not up to scratch, is he willing to learn? Or does he think the fact that his Long John Silver goes down to his knees man he doesn’t have to be creative?  Cos marriage is forever and ever amen; why do you want to tie yourself down to a nice guy who is lazy in bed and you end up investing in toys to keep yourself satisfied?

5.What are his career goals after children come into the picture?


Girlfriend, if you know that you’re a traditionalist and you want to raise your babies with your ozzband, then this is a very important issue to raise. So before you pop the question, ask him “How is he gonna scale down to help you raise these babies?” Cos if you’re scaling back, he’s gotta scale back too. Your entire body will be altered to accommodate the development of the babies, he’s got to adjust too. Too many studies are popping up about how children suffer when they don’t have enough time with their fathers and you will be damned if your babies are gonna be a statistic. Insist on this cos if you don’t and the little people start arriving…..you’re gonna be sleep deprived and frustrated ….and pissed with yourself for taking it for granted that this issue would resolve itself.

P.S : If he mentions kiosk or provision store when you raise this issue, dump his ass immediately. If you wanted to open a provision store would you have wasted all that time earning multiple degrees and earning your cred as a Wolf of Wall Street? Mtcheeeeeeeeeeew. Nansins.


  1. What are his kitchen skills?

man cooking

In other words…can a brother cook? And can he cook shirtless? (he gets bonus points for this) If he can’t cook/doesn’t cook….does he have a separate budget for a chef? Or does he have a budget for restaurant meals? Because you sure as hell are not gonna be slaying at work for 12 hours and then dragging your ass to the kitchen to whip up a meal…… which he will later complain about. That shit is cancelled in Jesus name. (Can I get an amen somebody?)  There are so many meals that can be prepared in 30 minutes or less, and so many gadgets that makes it easy to prepare a healthy meal  – how in the hell is he still not able to cook?

7. What’s his position on women empowerment, gender equality and feminism?


This is a biggie –  if he’s stuck in the century were women were considered as wives and bearers of children first and last, then you with your Miss Independent-Pay My Own Bills – Equal Rights for Men and Women stance will fare very badly with him. You have worked hard to earn love and respect yourself and not allow anybody to disrespect you or denigrate you because you have a vagina and not a penis.  If you can draw those boundaries with strangers, why can’t you do so with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

In fact, this discussion is far from exhaustive; feel free to add other qualities that will help the sisters spot the right qualities for a husby material ❤



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