#4. Where is God when my heart is breaking?
Today has been a mixed up day for me; a real basket full of irony. During mass today, we had a very boisterous priest whose sermon was centered around why God allows evil to flourish. And his position was – God allows evil to exist because He wants us to know that this world is not a bed of roses; that we need to be shrewd and on guard, and that ultimately on the judgement day He will redeem His children.
Great sermon albeit a bit confusing.
And then the bag of someone very close to me got stolen right outside the church building. It wouldn’t have hurt so much if it was just her purse; but the bag contained money, two phones and three lacoste shirts she was going to deliver to customers.
Oh, the irony; the painful, bittersweet irony.
Both of us were in shock so my mother raged on our behalf. And boy, was Mama impressive. But it didn’t change the fact that the bag was nicked and it wasn’t ever coming back.
So, God, tell me again why You let evil exist?
It’s almost 5pm now and I’m still confused; but I refuse to let it get me down. I have to confess, the hours before mass started I was anxious , upset and antsy. I’ve spent the past eight weeks swinging between anger at a friend who betrayed me and repeating to myself “I forgive you, I forgive you… I forgive you although you abandoned me when I needed you the most.” It’s not been an easy ride, this forgiveness thing, and the stress of it almost gave me an ulcer. I was not in a cheery or forgiving mood but I was trying to focus on God and not on my pain (see? I did learn something from ‘The Shack’ ) but it was tough. My soul needed uplifting.
And the sermon did my soul some good. But then my heart was broken by the theft of my friend’s bag.
But I’ve noticed something about myself and about my close friend– neither of us have let this situation crush our spirits. We’re sad, downhearted, but not destroyed. We’re still smiling, still walking tall, still praising God through the tears.
It’s not easy; I won’t lie and say that I completely understand it. But that’s faith isn’t it? Trusting in the unseen and knowing that, in spite of it all, God is ultimately in control.